But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
