I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
