i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
