ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
