Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
how can u be prego again
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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