will power is for people who don't want to get laid
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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