SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I smell like Dick and happiness
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
