I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
