hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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