Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
