I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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