trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
