This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
