I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
