I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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