As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
this is an emotional support booty call
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
