8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
