Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
