oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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