I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
