i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
