i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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