The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
cat food counts as protein by the way
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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