I didn't shave. On purpose
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
