This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
