i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
