His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
should my penis look like a turkey
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
