their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
