Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
