I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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