Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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