i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
