it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
