just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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