im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Let the clothes fall where they may.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
