You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
