Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
