HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
