Dude my mom stole all your condoms
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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