so let's talk penis.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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