Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
