Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
That accounts for only three of the penises
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
