last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Congratulations! We have a period
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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