I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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