I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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