I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
