I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
