i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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