Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
