Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Say something about gay babies.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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