I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
