You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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